When I first set out in search of non-diet interventions that could change the course of my relationship to food and overcoming negative body thoughts, I came across a study about the impact of body satisfaction on healthy behaviors, including food & exercise. That blew my mind.

I will share that with you in this blog post that focuses on body image and how it impacts your relationship to food. I will also tackle the concept called body neutrality and how it is different from body positivity; as well as intuitive eating. I’ll also share with you a free tool that I created to get you started with body neutrality and intuitive eating so you can enjoy your full life now… regardless of your body size. Here’s what you’re going to learn from this article:

Overcoming negative body thoughts

What is body neutrality?

Body neutrality versus body positivity

Body neutrality and intuitive eating

Overcoming negative body thoughts

A 2013 study published by the Journal of Obesity study found no link between body weight and the way women feel about themselves.

Yet, the findings show a link between how women feel about themselves and the healthy activities they engage in. Meaning, the better they felt about their bodies, the more likely they were to take care of themselves by eating well and being active. This allows them to create a positive cycle.  

Likewise, dissatisfaction with their bodies discouraged the women from taking part in certain activities, eating properly to fuel their bodies, and could eventually lead to weight gain.

“Body satisfaction or dissatisfaction isn’t correlated with body weight,” the research concluded.

That blew my mind. That meant overcoming negative body thoughts and making peace with my body size could actually improve my health behaviors, eat better and ultimately be healthier now… unconditional of my body size.

That’s how body neutrality was born.

What is Body Neutrality and how it helps in overcoming negative body thoughts

Body Neutrality empowers you to embrace yourself as you are, including the parts you don’t like about yourself.

Its focus is to avoid self-hate while simultaneously relieving you from the pressure of having to love your body.

The goal is to respect and accept your body for what it is – and that’s it.

Body Neutrality recognizes that not everyone is going to love every part of themselves all the time because that’s an unrealistic expectation, to say the least.

The reality is that some days you’re going to look in the mirror like, “Damn it, yeah, thank you, legs for letting me travel. Thank you, arms, for allowing me to type this inspirational post and thank you, belly, for creating life!”

And then, there’ll be those days where you stand in front of the very same mirror, focusing on that cellulite you hate or the wrinkle that suddenly seems so obvious.

Body neutrality versus body positivity

Embracing Body Neutrality over Body Positivity allows you to experience negative feelings about yourself, but without the pressure that comes with having to be positive all the time.

In other words, it’s a middle ground between positivity and negativity (shaming) – that’s neutrality.

Body Neutrality is the safe bridge between body shaming and body positivity. It’s about being grateful for your body and everything it does for you because it does a lot. You are alive right now.

So, Body Neutrality is centric on the process of accepting your body.

Body Neutrality & Intuitive Eating

For many of us, we’ve had years of suffering through body shaming. Along the way, we’ve picked up coping behaviors to neutralize the pain associated with body image struggles.

Being the victim of body shaming, most of it from our own mind, is difficult, to say the least. So, no wonder that many of us have become, along the way, emotional eaters or binge eaters. 

Combine the suffering that comes along with body shaming with the notion that food is the gateway to “loving our life and body,” food has become this enemy that we need to control in order to end the suffering. 

Healing our relationship to food is necessary in order to make peace with our body. Intuitive eating is the way in which you can achieve both: body neutrality and peace with food.

Moreover, intuitive eating teaches you to respect your body.

Intuitive eating teaches you to respect your innate body messages. This includes hunger and fullness to have a healthy and respectful relationship with your body. This is what we teach the women inside our Conquer & Thrive community so they can live and enjoy their full life right now… unconditionally!

The bottom line

You can’t hate yourself to health or peace. Love always wins. Always. 

Acceptance doesn’t mean giving up. It means seeing what is and adopting a non-judgmental perspective. Accepting allows you to improve and grow instead of obsessing about why it’s wrong and stress over the results.

Need help to get started with Body Neutrality and Intuitive Eating?

I have created a free audio guide for you to get started with body neutrality and intuitive eating and finally overcome negative body thoughts so you too can be on your way to freedom!

I suspect that my journey with food and weight, like for many of you, began many years ago. My sincere hope is that you might see yourself somewhere in this story and can find some glimmer of hope that having a normal relationship with food and being at peace with your body is possible.

This article tackles my personal weight loss journey and how I became successful in healing my relationship with food and body. I also shared how I am helping other women like me find peace with food and their body and live their full life now… unconditionally.

Here’s what you’ll learn from this blog post:

The beginning of my weight loss journey

Breaking the glass ceiling

The big shift in my weight loss journey

How old were you when you started your weight loss journey?

The first of the crucial defining moment for me was my first diet. I still remember the day my mother took me to Weight Watchers when I was 12. I still remember the “older women” shaking her finger at me telling me that I should chew gum when I feel hungry instead of eating. 

That day, I began a 25-year dieting career. An ongoing journey of yo-yo dieting. 

I was raised in a loving middle-class home with two very normal parents and a brother who wanted nothing but the best for me. In their heart, the best meant a “normal” body that would not be noticed and fit the society standards. For that, back in 1987 = Weight Watchers and weight loss.

The first diet at 12 didn’t “work” but the second one at 15 did. I lost 40 lbs… and with that came the compliment and praise “you look so pretty,” “wow, you lost so much weight, how did you do it?,” “You’re so strong I admire you.”….. For the first time, I felt worthy. I felt beautiful.

At 16, I had learned that to be acceptable, to be beautiful, a woman needed to be thin.

I managed my weight by calorie counting, eating low fat and going to the gym until my late 20’s when I had my first serious heartbreak. I went to food to feel better. As a result, I gained weight.

Breaking the glass ceiling

I gained a lot of weight, and at one point, I decided it was enough. I went back on a big diet. It was harder than the last time. I had to go to the gym 6 days a week. Eat very little food. I isolate myself to not have to be tempted by “bad food” and to not break my routine.

As I lost the weight, my career took off. I didn’t have food anymore to deal with the discomfort of my emotions, so I jumped head first into work. That kept my mind busy. I broke “the glass ceiling” and at 36 years running a $900 million business. To society standards, I had made it.

Inside, I was a solid mess… a few months after having reached the pinnacle of my career, I collapsed on stage speaking to my employees. My body couldn’t take it anymore. I was rushed to the hospital and was diagnosed with anxiety, panic attack syndrome, depression, and high cholesterol & blood pressure. 

The big shift in my weight loss journey

That day when I left the doctor’s office looking at my long list of prescription medications, I made a choice. I chose me. I chose to stop worrying about what others thought I should do, look or be. And I committed myself to me. To do what was best for ME.

That’s when everything changed. Over the next 3 years, I spent an enormous amount of time and money to heal myself. I read every book on the psychology of eating, nutrition, and holistic health I could find, and spent countless hours researching medical journals, health blogs, and making myself a human guinea pig. Moreover, I quit my career and went back to school, graduating valedictorian with a degree in holistic nutrition.

I became obsessed with finding the answer.

I thought to myself, if I could understand WHY I ate, then maybe I could find and treat the root cause, and hopefully, my story would inspire others to do the same.

That’s how I created Conquer & Thrive, a feminist approach to food & body; a program where smart, resilient women go to unlearn diet culture.  Relearn to eat normally, respect for your body and confident mindset.

I have had many setbacks before I found something that worked for me. But I never forgot how great it was to finally feel normal, eat normally and be at peace with my body.

After much perseverance, time, and trial and error, I can finally say that I was successful in healing my relationship to food and body.

Through our programs, I share my rationale for the need to Go Beyond The Food based on what finally worked for me, with the hope that it perhaps will also work for you. 

Your roadmap to diet-free living

I created a free audio guide for you to know exactly what to do when you stop dieting, emotional eating, binge eating and body image issues. So you’ll be on your way to freedom!

Me: “… but I need to lose weight”.

Her: “Ok… I can see how you can think that.”

Me: “Everything you are sharing with me makes so much sense and I can feel it inside of me, that it’s what I need [pause & sigh]… but I need to lose weight”.

The tears started to roll off my cheeks. Uncontrollably crying. The tears were coming from the depth of my gut. It was one of those moments when you want to stop crying because you really don’t want to cry in front of strangers but you can’t… it’s not in your control.

Her: “Stephanie, your desires to lose weight are valid. It’s normal that you want to lose weight. The society in which we live, an environment that is full of weight stigma, body size discrimination, and fatphobia encourages these desires every day. It makes perfect sense that you want to lose weight.”

I was deeply confused.

But I need to lose weight…

I was 38 years old and the last 25 years of my personal life had been a series of pressing “pause” and “play”.  I only allowed myself to “play” my personal life when I was at a weight that others recognized to be ok. If I was gaining weight or not working hard to lose the “abnormal excess weight”, my personal life was on “pause”.

Her: “So, let’s work through this, Stephanie. Why do you want to lose weight? What do you feel will happen when you lose weight?”

Me: “ Uhhh….. “

No one ever asked me this question. I never asked myself this question either. My brain was stumped… blank.

Her: “It’s normal that you don’t know how to answer this question. You likely never thought of the desire to lose weight as optional therefore never considered why you desired it.”

She was right. At that point, it had been 27 years. Since my teens, I had lived on and off diets always chasing “another body”. My happiness was conditional to the way my body looked. Even when my body looked “ok”, it was such a battle to keep it up that I didn’t have the mental space or time to fully enjoy my now “allowed happy life”.

Me: “I guess you’re right...”

Her: “Until we see each other again, I want you to ask yourself these questions: Where is the desire to lose weight coming from? What do you feel will happen if you lose weight? Will you be treated differently? Will you feel beautiful? Worthy? Healthy? “

As a good perfectionist, I did my homework.

I had so many Ah Ah moments… so many realizations. It took me a while to fully accept what these questions forced me to see: As a strong, independent & feminist woman, I had given away my power.

My power was in my body size

The way others view my body affected my capacity to be myself. My power was in my body… size. Over time, I had acquired a deep sense that “I wasn’t good enough” so nearly everything I did was serving the purpose of proving to the world that I was enough even though my body wasn’t.

It was hard to prove my worth all the time. I had to strive for perfection, be sure to make choices that would appease and please others around me not to give them another reason to reject me beyond my body.

I was working so hard that my health had collapsed 2 years earlier. It was the time that I was trying to feel better, be healthier but nothing was working, not even… weight loss.  I had spent a lot of $$$$ with many health professionals trying to “find and fix” my weight loss resistance without success. My body didn’t want to collaborate anymore… no matter how hard I worked: nothing.

Love versus fear

“Maybe it’s time for another approach…” That’s what my very expensive functional medicine doctor told me after doing all the tests and protocols possible. She said to me, “Maybe there’s nothing wrong with your body… what if you try to love it?”.

To be honest, I was pissed when she said this. I invested a lot on her. “Loving my body? WTF… that’s not a solution.” It took me time to accept these words and gave it a try. But I did.

By now, you might have guessed HER was a professional I was seeing to teach me how to “love my body”. When I sat and reflected on the questions, she had left me with after our first appointment, I realized that I was living in fear.

Fear of not being good enough, being rejected, not being loved, not being promoted at work, not being healthy and live a long life, …. I was powerless in the face of my body.

The journey back to my power

The hard truth was that patriarchal social conditioning had kept me very busy dieting and chasing after the false currency of beauty instead of chasing my dreams. Diet Culture taught me how being consumed by the fear of my body not being “thin’ enough was the way to be a woman… and that indoctrination kept me quiet, and most importantly, conform to patriarchy.

For 27 years, I had fully embraced the lie that my power as a woman was in the looks of my physical body. That lie was the real reason why I was struggling, anxious, and secretly depressed.

Her: “So now you are ready to do the work, sister?”

Me: “ F*ck yesss… let’s do this!”.

The journey to conquer and thrive

The first layover was to conquer my mind. All that societal conditioning was showing up in my negative self-talk. What I now call Diet Brain had to be reprogrammed. From there, I was able to conquer my beliefs around food and let my innate power guide my food choices instead of some “weight loss guru” tell me what my body needed. My body and I are smart enough to know what to eat.

The most powerful part of the journey was becoming emotionally intelligent. I had to shift from being the victim of my emotions to using my emotions as a source of information to make the best possible choice for ME. That’s how anxiety and depression left and confidence and compassion came into my life.

That led me to thrive in my relationship with my body. What I sought in my life was no longer the outcome of my body’s look… that gave me freedom. I could care for myself unconditionally and beyond dieting which is the key to bringing back my health.

I now have a relationship of trust and respect with my body. My female body wisdom is my power. I love myself, care for myself, and I thrive in my relationship with myself.

I found my power. The power to live my life now. I gave myself the permission to be enough unconditionally to what my body looks like or weight.

That’s my true power.

Are you ready to do YOUR work?

What is Body Neutrality and how is body neutrality going to help me ? That one of the most frequent question from client inquiring to work with us. before I answer this let’s consider the following statistics…

In Glamour Magazine study found that 97% of women are “cruel to their bodies” every day.

Research released by Dove, for their ‘Self-Esteem Project’, found that 96% of women in the UK reported feeling anxious about the way they look, compared with 86% in China, 72% in Brazil and 61% in the US. Only 4% of the women in all the countries surveyed would consider themselves ‘beautiful’, and by the time girls reach 17, 78% will be ‘unhappy with their bodies’.

In fact, current media ideals are achievable by less than 5% of the population – and that’s only if we’re thinking about weight and size. When we add shape, face, muscle tone etc into the messed-up mix, it’s probably going to be around 1%. 1 percent

Are you a statistic?

I was for years until I discover Body Neutrality.

That’s a question I receive very frequently… we are somewhat used to term body positivity but body neutrality not so much.

What is body neutrality?

What is body neutrality?

Body Neutrality empowers you to embrace yourself as you are, including the parts you don’t like about yourself.

Its focus is to avoid self-hate while simultaneously reliving you from the pressure of having to love your body.

The goal is to respect and accept your body for what it is – and that’s it.

Body Neutrality recognizes that not everyone is going to love every part of themselves all the time because that’s  an unrealistic expectation to say the least.

The reality is that some days you’re going to look in the mirror like ‘Dam it, yeah, thank you legs for letting me travel, thank you arms for allowing me to type this inspirational post and thank you belly for creating life!

And then there’ll be those days where you stand in front of the very same mirror, focusing on that cellulite you hate or the wrinkle that suddenly seems so obvious.

Body neutrality versus body positivity

Embracing Body Neutrality over Body Positivity allows you to experience negative feelings about yourself, but without the pressure that comes with having to be positive all the time.

In other words, it’s a middle ground between positivity and negativity (shaming) – that’s neutrality.

Body Neutrality is the safe bridge between body shaming and body positivity. It’s about being grateful for your body and everything that it does for you because it does a lot. You are alive right now right!

So Body Neutrality is centric to the process of accepting your body.

Body neutrality & intuitive Eating

For many of us we’ve have years of suffering thru body shaming and along the way we’ve picked up coping behaviours to neutralize the pain the pain associated with body image struggles.

Being the victim of body shaming, most of it from our own mind, is difficult to say the list so now wonder that many of us have become along the way emotional eater or binge eater.

Combine the suffering that comes along with body shaming with the notion that food is the gateway to “loving our life and body” food has become this enemy that we need to control in order to end the suffering.

Healing our relationship to food is necessary in order to make peace with our body. Intuitive eating is the way in which you can achieve both: body neutrality and peace with food.

Intuitive eating teaches to respect your body.

Intuitive eating teaches to respect your innate body messages such as hunger and fullness so you can have a healthy and respectful relationship with your body.

What is intuitive eating?

Intuitive eating is proven and well-researched self-care eating framework that makes YOU the boss of YOU.

Intuitive eating teaches us to have a healthy relationship to food empowering you to trust your ability to meet your needs, distinguish between physical and emotional hunger and ultimately develop body wisdom.

Get started with intuitive eating

If you’d like to explore intuitive eating and discover how it can help you make peace with food download our Get Started with Intuitive Eating Guide.

This free (and highly detailed) cheat sheet will give you a 3 easy to follow step process to help you get started with intuitive eating right away (and give you a shot of confidence to stop dieting … perhaps ).

Body Neutrality empowers you to embrace yourself as you are, including the parts you don’t like about yourself.

The focus of body neutrality focus is to avoid self-hate whilst simultaneously alleviating the pressure of having to love your body. The goal is to respect and accept your body for what it is – and that’s it.

Body neutrality recognizes that not everyone is going to love every part of themselves all the time. The reality is that some days you’re going to look in the mirror like ‘yess, thank you legs for taking me places, thank you arms for allowing me to reach for the biscuit tin, and thank you stomach for keeping my organs where they should be’, but then there’ll be those days where you stand in front of the very same mirror, focusing on that cellulite you hate, or the belly rolls that suddenly seem so obvious

Body Respect

My physical body is a vehicle for me to experience my life.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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The moment I realize that I had my self-worth all tangled up with the appearance of my body is the day that my new life began.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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The notion of body respect came into my life. Respecting my body was essential for me to feel better about myself. To increase my self-worth.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Body Neutrality is the safe bridge between body shaming and body positivity. It’s about being grateful for your body and everything that it does for you because it does a lot. You are alive right??.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

My body neutrality journey

To say that accepting my body was easy is a wild understatement…

The act of accepting my body required of me to be courageous. To be vulnerable and lots of tears.

Choosing to make peace with my body was scary. Scary as shit to be honest!
Frightening to be a health professional in a larger body. In a fat body. In an “overweight body” as my colleagues like to categorize my body.

Nerve-racking to stand up in front of my audience and say that I no longer recommended to chase weight loss. That the most efficient path to health was thru acceptance.

Body neutrality and intuitive eating

Going Beyond The Food has taught me that courage is not the absence of fear rather the ability to act in the presence of fear. That’s what accepting your body requires in a society controlled by diet culture and the concept of thinness=happiness & health.

Intuitive eating teaches to respect your body. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Intuitive eating switches our perspective from wanting to control our body to need to respect our body. We can’t respect what we hate right?!?

No matter, where you are now sister on your path of body acceptance, know that I feel you.

I hear you. I see you. I know how you feel and the fear of what could happen…. You aren’t alone.
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Be reminded of one universal law: Love always win in the end. Not hate, shame or fear.💞

“Show up, be seen, answer the call to courage… ’cause you’re worth it. You’re worth being brave.”

Brene Brown

What is intuitive eating?

Intuitive eating is proven and well-researched self-care eating framework that make YOU the boss of YOU. 

Intuitive eating teaches us to have a healthy relationship to food  empowering you to trust your ability to meet your needs, distinguish between physical and emotional hunger and ultimately develop body wisdom.

Get started with intuitive eating

If you’d like to explore intuitive eating and discover how it can help you make peace with food download our Get Started with Intuitive Eating Guide. 

This free (and highly detailed) cheat sheet will give you a 3 easy to follow step process to help you get started with intuitive eating right away (and give you a shot of confidence to stop dieting … perhaps ).