If you want things to change yet continue to repeat the same patterns, you’re doomed to suffer the same consequences over and over… until you learn to be responsible vs blaming yourself. 

Instead of taking responsibility, we can fall into the trap of blaming others or ourselves for not getting the results we want. 

Being Responsible VS Blaming Yourself

Blaming is when you want to find someone or something to hold responsible for the current situation you are experiencing, which can include blaming yourself. In most cases, when something or someone is held accountable, the end product is punishment. For example, self-critical thinking is a form of mental punishment. 

Self-Responsibility, on the other hand, is being aware of your patterns and the results they are creating and taking courageous responsibility to create a different outcome. 

How To Take Self-Responsibility

At first, taking responsibility can be challenging. You may get your back up and feel the need to defend yourself. Following these three steps can support you in moving forward a lot faster:

1. Develop self-compassion– Understand that self-blame is a learned behaviour and a by-product of diet culture. Blaming yourself or someone else was an act of survival, but it’s no longer serving you. You now have an opportunity to create something different for yourself.
2. Reflect on how you contributed to the events unfolding in your life. Empowerment replaces victimization (“why-me” or “life is so unfair” mindset) in understanding that you have a part to play. Ask yourself: What results am I responsible for in my life?
3. Accept that all you have control over is your thoughts and behaviours. Blaming others will lead to disempowerment. Empower yourself by taking radical self-responsibility on the things you have control over. 

Ultimately, being responsible vs blaming yourself will create different results in your life.  

What you’ll learn listening to this episode:

• How to stop the pattern of doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results
• The difference between self-responsibility and self-blame
• Three steps to take radical responsibility for creating a big, bold life

Mentioned in the show:

Undiet Your Life Program 

Quiz: Is it you or your diet?

Podcast Roadmap

Even when we have ditched diet culture, we have a tendency to continue pursuing goals in a “diet culture way”.

Setting goals is healthy for humans, but it’s time to do goals the non-diet way.

GOALS, DIET CULTURE, AND DELAYING FEELING BETTER

Goals allow us to practice believing in ourselves. In fact, if we do them in a way that is kind and compassionate, we can actually feel good while pursuing the goal.

However, diet culture teaches us that our worthiness is intrinsically dependent on us achieving a goal.

Here’s what happens when we operate from the diet culture model of goal setting: we need to hustle, have willpower, and discipline. 

We require control every step of the way because our thoughts say “I’m not good enough until I achieve X”.

Then, we end up feeling the opposite of the feeling we’re chasing from our goal.

GOALS WITHOUT DIET CULTURE

A goal is a container for you to practice becoming the best version of yourself.

The purpose of a goal is to become the person who thinks the thoughts that create the feeling you desire.

The way we do goals inside of Undiet Your Life is by becoming the person that thinks the thoughts (i.e. body neutral thoughts) that create the feeling (i.e. body confidence) that you desire.

The work for you is to wake up and think intentional thoughts that will lead you to feel confident today.

We set goals to create the version of ourselves who thinks the thought to create the feeling we desire within us.

We no longer rely on external cues such as achieving the goal to feel how we want to feel. Moreover, we take full responsibility for our lives.

Become the version of yourself who thinks she is enough on Day 1 of pursuing the goal, not after the goal is achieved.

What you’ll learn listening to this episode:

• How diet culture is still showing up in your goals
• Why you need to feel enough when pursuing your goal
• How to pursue goals the undieted way

Mentioned in the show:

Undiet Your Life Program 

Quiz: Is it you or your diet?

Podcast Roadmap

To believe in your possibilities is the way to claim your power back.

What prevents us from having the things we want to have is our thoughts and beliefs.

We know how to believe. In fact, you know how to believe in things that are currently the reality in your life.  

You have the skill set of believing and you’ve had that your whole life. 

However, the skill set you don’t possess is that of believing in the things that aren’t in your current reality. This skill set requires you to believe things that aren’t reinforced by all the systems around you.

But that is the skill set you need to develop in order to create the life you want to have.

HOW TO BELIEVE IN YOUR POSSIBILITIES

The first step is deciding what you want to believe that is not currently in your reality. That is the first step to living intentionally.

To get started, ask yourself: What is it that I want in my life?

The second step is the concept of self-authorization. Most of us have been living from a place of compliance. Therefore, wanting things outside of these standards is uncomfortable for us. 

We have to authorize ourselves to think outside of the norm.

In fact, when we think about believing something that is currently not in our reality, it means accepting something that isn’t true for us right now.

And a belief is simply a thought that you have been thinking for a long time.

HOW TO BELIEVE IN YOUR POSSIBILITIES WHEN IT FEELS HARD

As we do the work of believing new things, we have to sit in the awareness that we are building a belief, and a belief is simply a thought.

It’s going to be hard and your brain is going to resist this because to your human brain, it feels like danger. Your human brain wants you to stay who you are.

However, learning how to believe in new things is the most powerful human skill set you can have. 

Ultimately, believing is a choice: you can either believe in your limitations, or you believe in your possibility. 

If you want to live in a world of possibility, you have to authorize yourself to think outside of the box.

What you’ll learn listening to this episode:

• How to believe in your possibilities
• The skill set you need in order to believe NEW things
• How to be confident without changing your body
• The #1 thing that prevents you from having what you want

Mentioned in the show:

Quiz: Is it you or your diet?

Podcast Roadmap

Undiet Your Life Coaching

How to change your opinion of yourself and actually stop self-critical thinking?

The truth is, when you have self-critical thinking, it sounds valid. You will believe it to be true. You may even think thoughts like this:

“I deserve criticism about me because I need to do better.”

If that’s where you are right now, that’s totally normal.

Be aware of the thoughts that you’re having and how and why they sound valid to you. If you don’t do that, you will hinder your process of stopping self-critical thinking.

HOW TO CHANGE YOUR OPINION OF YOURSELF: THE WORK

Your opinion of yourself has been conditioned to believe “I am not good enough.”

The work is to work on your opinion of yourself. The work is not to suppress, ignore & avoid the day-to-day self-critical thoughts you are experiencing.

Denying that is just going to make it worse. You cannot investigate what you deny.

You have the authority to not believe that about yourself. Infact, you have the authority to change your opinion of yourself.

HOW TO CHANGE YOUR OPINION OF YOURSELF IN 3 STEPS

Have you ever considered that you can change your own opinion of yourself?

What most of us have never considered is that we can decide to change our opinion of ourselves.

You have the authority to decide what you want about yourself.

When we move something from intellectual awareness to taking action on it – that’s embodiment.

You start right now in 3 simple steps:

1. Become aware of what you’re thinking about yourself – don’t just play the tune in your brain, actually become aware of what you’re thinking
2. Ask yourself if you WANT to continue to believe these self-critical thoughts and reflect on that. You have authority on your brain and the kind of thoughts your brain is thinking.
3. Take action. Start changing your opinion of yourself. For example, by writing – tell you brain what you want to think.

We’re going to do a lot of work on this on September 17th & 18th in the Enough Masterclass. I’m going to walk you through exactly how to do this work over these 2 days.

What you’ll learn listening to this episode:

• How to stop self-critical thinking
• 3 steps to change your opinion of yourself
• Why your self-critical thoughts are true

Mentioned in the show:

Register for the Enough Masterclass

Quiz: Is it you or your diet?

Podcast Roadmap

Undiet Your Life Coaching

How to stop repeating patterns in your life starts with understanding WHY they exist in the first place.

The simple answer? How you do one thing is how you do everything.

If you have a history with dieting – like myself – you are probably used to approaching goals the “diet culture way”. In fact, if you want to learn how to stop repeating patterns, you have to change how you approach goals entirely.

HOW TO STOP REPEATING PATTERNS

In my recent pursuit of the goal to have more pleasure and work in life, my coach helped me identify a pattern. What we saw was that how I once approached weight loss goals, was the same way I was approaching this new goal.

This means that I used to see goals as the thing you get when you achieve it. The pursuit of the goal was to achieve the thing, and THEN I would be happy.

But… What if we were allowed to be happy right now?

That is how I approach goals now. Goals have become about learning to be happy now and becoming the version of myself that I need to be for the goal. 

What if you allowed yourself to be happy right now, instead of making it conditional on achieving the end goal?

HOW TO STOP REPEATING PATTERNS: A NEW WAY OF PURSUING GOALS

How you do one thing is how you do everything… until you are presented with another way.

However, the first thing to understand when you want to stop repeating patterns in your life is that nothing has gone wrong. 

Your brain is just trying to survive. In fact, your brain is approaching different circumstances in your life in a way that has been most efficient for you in the past.

… until you intervene! I use a tool with my clients called ‘Pause. Question. Choose.’ Here’s what that looks like:

Pause. Stop buying into self-critical thinking and do a thought download for the circumstance that is triggering you right now.

Question. Why do I keep repeating the patterns? Could there be another way?

Choose. Take a risk. Trying something different – a new approach, a different perspective.

This is what I call self-coaching. If you want to change your thinking, you have to learn how to self-coach (or pay a coach) in order to produce a different result.

What you’ll learn listening to this episode:

• The #1 reason you keep repeating patterns in your life
• How the all-or-nothing mindset is interfering with your goals
• A new approach to goals that you can use right now
• The self-coaching tool that will help you stop repeating patterns

Mentioned in the show:

Register for the Enough Masterclass

Quiz: Is it you or your diet?

Podcast Roadmap

Undiet Your Life Coaching

Digital nomading at 47 is me living my dream life. I am thriving living my fullest, boldest life – the life that I once thought wasn’t possible for me.

DIGITAL NOMADING AT 47: HOW I GOT HERE

I got here because I changed the way I think about myself and what’s possible for me. By silencing the mean girl voices, I finally embraced my enoughness to pursue my true desires – digital nomading at 47.

And now I am here to tell you that I know, with certainty, that you are enough too. You too can pursue your dream life, right now.

You can change the way you think about yourself. In fact, this is how you will step into the next version of you who is thriving and living her desired life.

WHAT IF DIGITAL NOMADING AT 47 ISN’T YOUR DREAM LIFE?

Digital nomading at 47 is MY true desire. You might desire something entirely different and that is great. The most important lesson here is for you to start pursuing your true desires.

If you are ready to pursue your dream – that thing you didn’t think was possible for you – I’m inviting you to join me inside the Enough Masterclass. 

In this masterclass, I’m going to show you how to do the mindset work that will allow you to think “living my dream life is possible.” It will allow you to make your dream life happen now.

I’m going to teach you a very simple mindset tool. Then, we’re going to talk about the decision-making framework that I use to create my desired life, so that you can too. 

We’ll also be exploring our relationship to goals. Because let’s be honest, creating your desired life requires you to stretch yourself beyond your current comfort zone. It requires you to create goals towards your dream life.

What you’ll learn listening to this episode:

• How to become a digital nomad
• Why you don’t need to comply with any one way of digital nomading
• The way of thinking that got me to my dream life
• How to pursue your OWN dream life

Mentioned in the show:

Outsite referral link ($50 off)

Register for the Enough Masterclass

Quiz: Is it you or your diet?

Podcast Roadmap

Undiet Your Life Coaching

Six years of being coached have afforded me many successes and lessons learned.

Today, I’m sharing those with you because they are exactly what I am teaching you inside the Enough Masterclass.

6 YEARS OF COACHING: THE ENOUGH MASTERCLASS IS BORN

In the Enough Masterclass, I’m teaching the way to coach yourself with my 3 step self-coaching process. You’re not only going to learn the intellectual aspect of it, but the WHY behind it.

We are going to apply the simple 3 step process right away to the beliefs that are keeping you from your better, fuller, and bolder life.

Then, we’re going to set a simple and easy goal towards your undieted life.

6 YEARS OF COACHING: 6 LESSONS LEARNED

In my six years of coaching, there are six key lessons that stand out to me. These are the lessons that have now culminated in the Enough Masterclass.

You ready? Let’s dive in!

Lesson #1 A coach is hired by your dream. So you don’t f*ck it up.

Lesson #2 When you invest in coaching, you invest in a space that holds the belief in your own possibility until you can get there.

Lesson #3 Coaching allowed me to constantly live in my power. Because coaching taught me how to use the most powerful organ in my body — my brain. In order for me to be in my agency, I need to know how to use my brain and process my emotions. Otherwise, I will not be in my agency.

Lesson #4 Being coached is like getting a master degree in your own human behaviour – understanding your brain and yourself. You get to understand why you keep repeating the same patterns and how to undo that.

Lesson #5 Coaching taught me how to master my emotions, instead of coping with them. All the things you want to create in your life are sitting on the other side of you mastering your emotional world. Until you master your emotions, you react to life and are a victim to your emotions.

Lesson #6 Coaching is what helps me experience more out of my life. And, experiencing more out of my human experience without willpower, discipline, and suffering.

Now I’m inviting you to join us in the Enough Masterclass to put these lessons into practice and create your better, bolder, and fuller life.

What you’ll learn listening to this episode on 6 Years of Being Coached: Successes and Lessons Learned:

• 6 lessons I’ve learned from 6 years of coaching
• The 3 step process you’ll learn in the Enough Masterclass
• How to experience more out of life with coaching

Mentioned in the show:

Register for the ENOUGH Masterclass

The power of separating facts from thoughts is key to creating your better, fuller, and bolder life.

When it comes to ho we interact with our thoughts, there are two types of people:

1. Those who believe their interpretation (thoughts) of a situation to be factual truth
2. Those who observe their thoughts without creating an opinion about the situation or making it mean something about them

If you tend to be the first type, I have been there. The work that lies ahead for you is to separate what happens in your brain; separate the thoughts in your mind from facts.

When you believe that what you’re thinking is factual information, you are limiting yourself to what you can create and achieve in your life

Why? Because you’re always refrained by the social construct that have defined the reality you’re currently living in.

When you believe that your thoughts and opinions in life are factual information, you keep repeating the same thing. As a result, you repeat the same patterns, cycles, and reality throughout your entire life.

SEPARATING FACTS FROM THOUGHTS: WHERE IT STARTS

When we start differentiating thoughts from fact, we also need to understand choice and consent.

We need to fully assume our agency to believe what we want in our life.

This is challenging. Especially, if you are someone like me who has spent most of her life believing that thinner was better, food had to be controlled, and money was scarce. 

These were my beliefs, and I didn’t know that I could change them. Now I have changed them, and I know that you can too.

SEPARATING FACTS FROM THOUGHTS: 3 STEPS

The human brain is set to keep repeating our current reality. Therefore, if you want to start separating facts from thoughts, you need to make an intentional change.

Here’s a 3-step process to start separating facts from thoughts:

• Pause. Take a breath.

• Question. Is it true?

• Choose. I can choose to think of something else. This is where your power comes in.

If this conversation is sparking something in you, you’ll also love Episode 323 of the Going Beyond the Food Show, where we explore the concept of making quality decisions to create your undieted life.

What you’ll learn listening to this episode:

• What to do if you believe every thought in your brain
• The 3-step process to start separating facts from thoughts
• How to reclaim your power from your thoughts

Mentioned in the show:

Register for the Enough Masterclass

Quiz: Is it you or your diet?

Podcast Roadmap

Undiet Your Life Coaching

Money mindset, scarcity, and body image have more in common than you likely think…

After making peace with your body and learning to be neutral with your body, money mindset is the next level for most of my clients.

Let’s dive in!

MONEY MINDSET, SCARCITY & BODY IMAGE: 9 THOUGHTS THEY HAVE IN COMMON

#1 “I am not worthy of success and abundance.”

#2 “Talking about money is bad; asking for money is even worse.” or “It’s rude to negotiate my salary.” or “It’s impolite to talk about money.”

#3 “Wealth means power and power is bad.”

#4 “I have to hang onto everything and prepare because something terrible might happen.”

#5 “Having money is selfish.”

#6 “There is never going to be enough.”

#7 “I have to suffer to succeed.”

#8 “To enjoy wealth would be indulgent.”

#9 “I’m not making enough money to care about this.”

It is 100% normal that you think these thoughts, given your past experiences and the social constructs we live in.

And, if you’re waiting to make enough money to do this work – you will never make enough money to do this work.

THE NEW BELIEF THAT WILL IMPROVE YOUR MONEY MINDSET

Try this new belief: “What if money is a force for good for me and for others?”

What if having money was an act of self-care, of self-protection? What if you believed that having money was not only good for you, but also for others?

Consider how your relationship with money would change if you no longer bought into the 9 thoughts above. Imagine what would be possible for you.

What you’ll learn listening to this episode on money mindset scarcity and body image:

• How your relationship with body image is related to your relationship with money & scarcity
• The 9 thoughts that money mindset, scarcity & body image have in common
• The #1 new belief you need to adopt to improve your money mindset

Mentioned in the show:

Quiz: Is it you or your diet?

Podcast Roadmap

Undiet Your Life Coaching

Feeling stuck in your journey is preventing you from reaching your goals… but how do you actually get unstuck?

Regardless of where you are feeling stuck in your journey right now, I guarantee you this is getting in your way: your thoughts. 

So, how do you change your thoughts?

Well, my sisters, I asked you to submit your questions around this topic, and you delivered. So on today’s podcast, I’m coaching you through them and showing you how to get unstuck in any situation.

You ready? Let’s do this!

FEELING STUCK IN YOUR JOURNEY: LISTENER Q&A

Question #1: “I feel stuck that I will never find love because of my body. I’m divorced from an abusive husband; I married him as I felt he was the only option. I’m happier now but even more afraid of men as I’m old, bigger, etc., and I’ll never attract a man again.”

What if, instead of looking for love outside of yourself, you gave yourself the love you are seeking from a partner? If you were self-sufficient with self-love and self-respect entering your next relationship, would you feel safer? 

Question #2: “I feel stuck because it seems like diet culture has a chokehold on everyone, and personally, I’m not convinced of approaching health with the non-diet approach.”

Most people don’t know that they have the choice to believe and think what they want. This idea that you need to convince yourself of anything is an error in thinking. Convincing is like trying to force and contort your brain to think in a way that you’re “supposed” to think. Instead, ask yourself what do you WANT to believe. 

Question #3: “In the secrecy of my own mind, I always doubt that it is possible for me to have what I want in life. I have to hustle hard to just have what I have now, and it’s nowhere close to what I want. It’s almost like it’s not possible for ME. It’s okay for others, but not for me, it’s like the gap is too big.”

The human brain’s #1 goal is to keep us safe, which means repeating our #1 pattern in order for us to stay in the same reality. In order to step into your possibility, you need to create an intentional intervention in the way you think.

Question #4: “I feel stuck with money mindset, or should I say scarcity mindset. Feeling like I am unworthy of wealthiness.”

This is a very common thought or belief for women who have also thought they weren’t worthy because of their body size. There’s a direct correlation between body image and money mindset (hint: keep an eye out for Episode 327 for more on this!).

Question #5: “I feel stuck in taking action towards my goal. I see what needs to be done, but I feel weighed down and overwhelmed and it never seems to let up.”

We all procrastinate with our goals because of the opinion or thoughts we have about the goal or the to-do lists. It is feelings of overwhelm and anxiety we feel engaging with the goal that creates procrastination and avoidance.

Question #6: “I am afraid of becoming who I want to become because of all the things she will want to do that I consider scary now.”

You already know that you can do anything – this is great. However, it’s not just good enough to know that everything is available to you and you can do anything. You actually need to take action. This means you need to challenge your belief about having what you want being scary. Ultimately, you need to learn to make scary things feel safe.

HOW TO GET UNSTUCK

Tune into Episode 326 of the Going Beyond the Food Show, where I answer each of these questions for you in more depth. Plus, I coach you through practical steps to get yourself unstuck now.

WHAT YOU’LL LEARN LISTENING TO THIS EPISODE on Feeling stuck in your journey:

• How to get yourself unstuck in any situation
• What to do when you keep procrastinating
• What a thought download is & why you should do it
• How to make scary things feel SAFE

Mentioned in the show:

Quiz: Is it you or your diet?

Podcast Roadmap

Undiet Your Life Coaching

Pursuing your true desires… beyond the size of your body. When you have spent most of your life pursuing a certain body size, the word ‘desire’ is most likely foreign to you.

TRUE DESIRE VERSUS FALSE DESIRE

True desire is desire operating from a place of love. These desires lead you to be the highest version of yourself – the person you are meant to be.

False desire comes from a place of fear, lack, and avoiding suffering. For example, chasing a smaller body is a false desire. In fact, we chase a smaller body to avoid judgment from others, self-criticism, and shame.

The difference between a true versus false desire is that we are chasing safety and conformity with our false desires.

When we desire from a place of fear, we feel a sense of urgency because not having that desire is unsafe for us. We believe that the only way to be happy and safe is if we get the thing we desire (i.e. a smaller body).

HOW TO IDENTIFY FALSE DESIRES

If any of your desires start with the following:

• “I should…”
• “I have to…”
• “I must…”

… they are false desires, which come from a place of obligation and conformity. Additionally, you will know it’s a false desire if you feel like you need it in order to feel happy and safe.

PURSUING YOUR TRUE DESIRES BEYOND THE SIZE OF YOUR BODY

If you have spent decades believing that your false desire is your true desire, this is what you need to do:

• Acceptance. Accept that what you thought was your true desire was in fact a desire of safety and conformity.

1. Self-consent. Ask yourself these questions: “Do I want to explore my true desires and what they could be?,” and “Am I willing to pursue the journey of bringing these desires into my life?”
2. Allowance. Allow these false desires to be there and have compassion for yourself. The moment you bring safety to these desires, you can finally release them.

Remember, us as humans are designed for full expression of the human experience. Which means, honouring your true desires.

WHAT YOU’LL LEARN LISTENING TO THIS EPISODE ON PURSUING YOUR TRUE DESIRES BEYOND THE SIZE OF YOUR BODY:

• The power of having a coach to actualize your true desires
• The difference between true versus false desires
• What to do if you have spent decades believing your false desire was your true desire
• The only sure way to get rid of false desires

Mentioned in the show:

Quiz: Is it you or your diet?

Podcast Roadmap

Undiet Your Life Coaching

How you do one thing is how you do everything. This means how you relate to food is how you relate to life. In fact, how you think about your body is likely how you think about money and other areas of your life too.

Understanding this coaching concept will help you create the freedom and ease you want in your life after years of dieting.

HOW YOU DO ONE THING IS HOW YOU DO EVERYTHING

How you relate to food is how you relate to life. Meaning, how you think about and connect to food directly influences how you think about and connect to life.

For example, when you feel out of control with food, your thoughts sound like, “I can’t control myself around food.” 

Then, you think, “I shouldn’t trust myself with food.” 

Which eventually solidifies into the belief, “I can’t trust myself.” 

Do you see it now? How you relate to food is how you relate to life; how you do one thing is how you do everything.

THE 3 STEPS TO COACH YOURSELF INTO A NEW BELIEF

Step 1: Become aware of the self-belief you currently have. Then, reflect on how the glasses analogy (explained in Episode 324) is reflected in your relationship with food.

Step 2: Establish consent with yourself. Are you willing to do the work that is required to change the “glasses” you wear? You have to intentionally decide that you will coach yourself through this because our human brains do not love change. 

Step 3: Gradually take off the “glasses” to rebuild a new belief. Slowly peel back the belief you’re changing (i.e. “I don’t trust myself”) to rebuild a NEW belief. This new belief will have a positive impact on your relationship to food AND all other areas of your life.

Tip: start with food. Most women reading this are here because they stopped dieting, but that doesn’t mean they’re an intuitive eater yet. In fact, you may be in an intense rebellion with food right now. 

Food was likely the place where you stopped trusting yourself in the first place. Start with building back trust around food. Eventually, you will see your new beliefs ripple into other areas of your life, too.

What you’ll learn listening to this episode:

• How your beliefs about food impact all other areas of your life
• How the cognitive bias system is holding you back from changing how you relate to food and life
• The 3 steps you can take now to start trusting yourself again
• Why you should start with changing your relationship to food before anything else

Mentioned in the show:

Quiz: Is it you or your diet?

Podcast Roadmap

Undiet Your Life Coaching